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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27438199">Nothing Else Matters</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/KailyndriaRachelKatz/pseuds/KailyndriaRachelKatz'>KailyndriaRachelKatz</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>BAMF Dean Winchester, Child Abuse, DO NOT COPY OR MOVE MY WORK TO ANOTHER SITE, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, John Winchester's A+Parenting, M/M, Muteness, Same-Sex Marriage, Selectively Mute Sam Winchester, Serial Killers, Underage Sex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:48:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,683</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27438199</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/KailyndriaRachelKatz/pseuds/KailyndriaRachelKatz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He remembers the first time Dad hit them like it was yesterday. He also remembers what happened after.......</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dean Winchester &amp; Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, John Winchester/Mary Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>50</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Nothing Else Matters</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Greetings,</p><p>	This story came out of nowhere today while I sat at home nursing a nasty headache--a migraine if I'm being honest. It was so bad that I called out of work. Perhaps it was this story's way of letting me know that it needed to be free.</p><p>	This tale is a case of: Don't ask cuz I can't tell you. I can't explain it.</p><p>	Please note the warnings: this is not a fluff piece or full of happiness. Pain makes my muse explore the darkest corners of my imagination.....this is what happens. </p><p>	With that said, if you choose to continue then all I ask is that you find a way to spread kindness into the universe, stay safe and always keep fighting......</p><p>	Happy reading (or has happy as one can be in this dark space....)</p><p>KRK</p><p>P.S.<br/>This is the first story I felt like writing lately....my muse has not run away, in fact, quite the opposite she's been shouting in my head for weeks now....leaving me with a major migraine some days from all the words crowding together and getting tangled. </p><p>	All the stress of the past few weeks---my school reopening plans constantly changing, positive Covid tests for people I know &amp; care about, the election---writing was the last thing I was capable of accomplishing......so thank you for waiting patiently for my mind to finally unspool itself enough to allow the words to flow freely.</p><p>	Amazingly, my month long headache has disappeared.......**poof** just like magic!!</p><p>+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>          Dean is sitting in the diner waiting for his bacon cheeseburger to arrive when something he sees out of the corner of his eye triggers an old memory.</p><p>          It was back in 1990, Sammy was only six and a half. He had just turned ten about a week prior. They were traveling down some back country two lane road in the middle of Bumfuck nowhere when their life detoured straight to hell.</p><p>          Once again they were forced to leave town in the middle of the night because their father told them to--no explanations, just grab your duffel and get in the car. Sam had been whining off and on for about two hours. His little brother had been sick and feverish the past three days but Dad had insisted on leaving town that night. It wasn't long into the drive before Sam had gotten violently sick all over himself in the back seat. The smell of half digested red meat, greasy potatoes and soured milk filled the warm car quickly. If that wasn't enough to piss off their father then having to stop somewhere to clean up both his son and the car was the be all that ends all. By the time they found an all night gas station, Sam had thrown up twice more and was crying non stop.</p><p>          If he hadn't been sitting up front with his father then he could have comforted his upset little brother but Dad had wanted Sam to sleep so he told Dean he could sit with him. Now, they were in the middle of some creepy no name town at an all night gas station with a sick Sammy and a nasty, puke filled car. Their father was livid at having to stop before he needed to in order to clean up the car and his youngest child.</p><p>          Dean had been ordered to "go deal with your whiny ass brother---NOW Dean---GO!!"</p><p>          He didn't waste any time grabbing their duffel before carrying his very weak and ailing baby brother into the gross, moldy bathroom. Once they were inside the biggest stall he quickly stripped his brother down to his soiled boxers. When he realized that Sammy had also wet his underwear, he removed those too and proceeded to give his scared, shivering sick baby brother a fast sink bath before redressing him into a pair of sweatpants, tee shirt and his own over sized pullover hoodie. Then he gave Sam's dirty clothes a fast rinse in the sink. He knew he had to be as quick as possible. Their father was already half drunk and very agitated tonight. Sammy getting sick in the back of the Impala had pushed his limits to the max.</p><p>          Dean had just finished rinsing out the last of Sam's clothes when he lucked out and noticed a plastic bag with some money, two small bottles of unopened blue Gatorade and a half eaten sandwich still in the container hanging from the back of their stall door. He dumped the food into the trash can but pocketed the money and tucked the blue drinks into his duffel in case they were needed later that night to keep Sammy hydrated. Then he used the plastic bag to hold the damp clothes while he made Sammy brush his teeth. The last thing he did was encourage his brother to use the toilet while he had a chance. He didn't want to risk angering their father anymore by having to stop again any time soon. While Sam used the toilet in the stall, Dean quickly changed his own soiled shirt and rinsed the throw up off of it before adding it to the bag of dirty laundry. Dean also made sure to piss before they headed back to their irate father.</p><p>          When they were done in the bathroom, he carried his overly exhausted baby brother back out to the Impala. He could feel the labored breathing of his worn out little brother as he held him close to his chest. Dean was worried that Sammy was getting more sick or that he might start puking again but he was more scared about how their Dad might react after earlier. He knew that they only been in the bathroom for about twelve minutes or so but apparently it had been to long. Their father was beyond angry--he was down right livid with rage. Dean barely managed to get Sam into the newly cleaned backseat of the Impala before he was cuffed in the back of the head by their father.</p><p>          "What took you so long boy? I told you to take care of it, not give the kid a fucken makeover."</p><p>          Dean had been cuffed before but never this hard. His ears were ringing but he knew better then to antagonize their father when he was in this type of mood. "Sorry sir. I had to change his clothes because he had vomited on himself." He could see his baby brother shaking with fear in the back of the car but fighting to stay quiet. Dean watched as Sam tried to make himself invisible against the bench seat. Just seeing his baby brother's wide tear filled terrorized hazel eyes was killing him. At six Sammy already understood their father's mood swings could get violent. Usually Dad destroyed things and acted scary with his yelling, always refusing to hurt them by making sure his boys were in their room when he lost his temper but something was different about this night. Dad wasn't acting like himself and that frightened Dean to his core. Their father wanted to hurt them, he could feel it in his gut and Dad always said to trust your instincts.</p><p>          He could feel his old man's eyes boring into him has he weighed the truthfulness of Dean's response. He must have been satisfied because he turned away to open the trunk up so Dean could put their duffel away before moving towards the drivers seat in order to get back on the road. Instead of doing that, Dean grabbed the old beat up blanket and small pillow from the trunk before closing the lid. The back door he had used earlier was still open so he climbed in next to his baby brother before placing the duffel down on the floor boards between the seats and closing the door. He wanted the bag close in case he needed the blue Gatorade for his brother. His father didn't say anything to them as he started the Impala, maneuvered her away from the gas pumps and revved her engine before peeling out of the station to continue on throughout the night.</p><p>          Less then five minutes later, he had his Sammy tucked into his side and covered with the blanket. His baby brother had his head tucked under his chin and an ear over his heart. Sammy smelled faintly of mint toothpaste and baby shampoo. The rancid smell of puke was gone. All he wanted to do right now was protect his ailing younger sibling and make him feel loved. Dean would do everything within his power to protect his younger brother because right now they were not safe. He could feel their father's angry eyes glaring at them from the rear view mirror. He just prayed whatever set the old man off wasn't anything either of them had done wrong----especially Sam.</p><p>          Dean used the small pillow to cushion his head from bouncing into the window. The back of his head still ached from where his father had hit him. Right now his main concern was his little brother. Sam was sick, scared and shivering. His baby brother needed him and Dean knew just how to calm him. Whenever Sammy got sick or scared he would turn to his big brother for comfort. The easiest way to do that was for Dean to stroke his baby brother's silky soft hair. Ever since Sam was a baby, he loved to have his hair stroked and his scalp soothed. Dean did just that as he threaded his fingers through his baby brothers soft curls to help lull him to sleep. He could feel the heat radiating off of his little brother's forehead as he nestled just under his chin. He just hoped they would be stopping somewhere soon. He wasn't sure how long Sam would be able to last in the back of the car without needing some medicine or to be cooled down because his fever was spiking.</p><p>          Dean must have dozed off at some point because the next thing he is consciously aware of is the car idling while his father is reaching over the back seat hitting him as he desperately tries to protect Sam from their father's fists. He doesn't remember moving to protect Sam but he can feel his terrified little brother shaking as their father throws punches from above them. Regardless of how hard he tries their father manages to smash his fists into both of them over and over again. Their father's vicious words still echoing in his head years later......</p><p>          "Why?!? Why didn't you fucken die!! I'd give you to that fucker if he'd give me my Mary back. He wanted you.....<em>SHUT UP YOU SNIVOLING LITTLE UNGRATEFUL FUCKEN BASTARD</em>!! Shut the fuck up......she died protecting you, you worthless piece of shit!!  FUCK..... I wish she had aborted you. I know you're not my son......."</p><p>          Over and over their father screamed his hatred at them. Hitting with all his strength, trying to kill his youngest son as Sam's pain laced cries filled the air.</p><p>          Dean can still feel the pain of his father's fists as they strike his body, hears Sammy's cries as some of those punches got past him to hit Sam's tiny frame. He can remember each one of those hate filled words, wondering why his father ever thought Sam was someone else's son. Dean can remember how happy his parents had been when they explained that he would soon be a big brother to the baby growing within his mother's womb. He closes his eyes for a moment as he pinches the bridge of his nose to alleviate some of the built up pressure the memories bring, as he recalls their unplanned stay at a hospital when his father took it to far and seriously injured both of them that night. Dean can only guess that John's guilty conscious was what prompted him to seek out medical help for the two bloody and badly beaten boys he had in the back of the Impala. To this day, he has no idea what story his father spun to avoid getting arrested or having them removed from John's care. How he wishes Child Protective Services had taken them away from their father. He would have found a way to stay with Sam.</p><p>          Dean remembers the first time Dad hit them like it was yesterday because that was the moment his baby brother stopped talking to everyone except Dean. At first, they said Sammy had suffered a traumatic brain injury due to the fractured skull and internal cranium bleeds he had suffered that were later followed by seizures. John had been warned that there could be long lasting side effects from the injury. Sam's inability to communicated had been noticed immediately. At first they thought he had totally lost the ability to speak until a nurse had overheard him whispering to Dean. After several tests and various specialist had examined Sam they had a diagnosis. The doctors called it selective mutism, but Dean called it self preservation. By staying quiet, Sam would be temporarily forgotten by their sinisterly insane, evil father. What was the old adage, out of sight--out of mind. Sammy made sure to be as invisible as possible.</p><p>          Sam's mutism wasn't his younger brother's only life altering issue after that night. His poor brother spent years learning how to walk without a limp due to his broken pelvis. Then there was the fact that Dad's fists had broken the bones around both of Sam's eyes causing terrible headaches and pain for his baby brother. About a year after that horrible beating (and a few others in-between) it was discovered that Sam couldn't see properly and needed glasses thanks to the yearly physical by the school nurse. Surprisingly, it was the one thing their father didn't scrimp on. Once a year, the both of them would be dropped off with one of their few friends--Bobby, Pastor Jim or Ellen to spend a few weeks, usually in the summer, to allow Sammy to get his eyes checked and to receive a few weeks of physical therapy to help with his gait. Sam was forced to wear a leg brace and use forearm crutches well into his teenaged years because of his weak left leg. He would never be able to hunt and therefore, useless to their father. Another ever lasting gift from that night. Other then that, they were mostly ignored when they needed something, such as clothes, food or supplies. Dean learned how to rig up a 'new' brace each time Sam out grew his old one. If it hadn't been for their few extended family members (Bobby, Pastor Jim and Ellen) then he suspects that Sam might have been confined to a wheelchair for the rest of his life.</p><p>          School also became a problem for his mute brother. Most assumed that Sam was stupid or retarded because he wouldn't speak. That simply wasn't the case at all since he always talked to Dean if nobody else was around. Despite the 'brain injury' he suffered at their father's hand, Sam was incredibly bright. He wasn't stupid or retarded---he was bored to tears with the overly simple work that teachers gave to him because they assumed no talking meant the same as no higher brain function. For years his brother had an IEP (Individual Educational Plan) when he should have been in the gifted program. It wasn't until an observant teacher noticed Sam solving complex brain teasers in the book Bobby had given him that things changed. His brother's IQ was tested and he was off the charts smart. More testing revealed that Sam was actually capable of doing the work several grade levels above him. After that, Dean and Sam were often placed into the same classes wherever they went.</p><p>          As for Sam speaking....well it would take years before anyone else heard his voice because he was always afraid he was going to get beaten for simply existing. Sammy was almost thirteen when he spoke to Pastor Jim--reciting an entire exorcism in perfect Latin, surprising everyone except Dean who already knew about his brother's infinity for languages. (Sam would go on to learn, read and speak multiple languages fluently by the time he graduated college.) It would be another year or so before Bobby heard his brother say "love you Uncle Bobby" in his shy, meek voice after Bobby had bought him a laptop for his birthday.</p><p>          Ellen broke down into tears of joy after hearing Sam call her "Aunt El" one lazy summer afternoon. Out of the three of them, Sam talked the most to Ellen because she always treated them like her sons and was fiercely protective of both boys. Even going so far as to go after custody of both the boys when she realized John was abusing them. That battle went on for years before she was finally awarded full guardianship of the Winchester brothers with the help and support of both Bobby and Jim. Shortly after gaining custody, John Winchester and his two young sons disappeared. They would spend years going back and forth between their abusive father, Ellen, Bobby and Jim--depending upon the circumstance. In order to protect the boys, the adults had come to an agreement concerning their education, Sam's health needs and who had custody. Most of the time they were with their father but still were allowed time with their 'family'. Dean still wishes Ellen had fought harder to keep them away from their abusive sire but understands that she did the best she could to protect them.</p><p>          Dean did everything within his power to protect his Sammy from their father too. He became the good little solider, learning how to become the perfect <em>monster</em> killing machine. Dean was a serial killer by the time he was eleven in order to keep their father's rage at bay. The pre-teen was his father's 'yes man', always agreeing to do whatever he was asked in order to protect Sam. He even learned how to look their sire right in the eye and lie to John's face. Dean took the blame and the beatings as often as he could, always making his brother hide when he knew the abuse was coming. Sam's weakened body took a long time to heal whenever their father laid a hand on him, so Dean made sure to become the sole focus of their sire's rage. John had no idea that his form of parenting was bringing his boys closer together not further apart. John's hatred for Sam never diminished, in fact it intensified as they grew up. Dean never understood why their father blamed Sam for their mother's death---the kid had been only six months old when she was murdered by the intruder. It was their father's growing insanity that had him chasing monsters and killing <em>supernatural</em> creatures.</p><p>          Each time John laid a finger on either boy they would become closer because of their shared emotions, empathy and experiences. Dean became strong for his brother, always protecting him from everyone who would injure his baby boy and Sam did anything his big brother asked to make him proud. The boys became a united front against the world before either had reached puberty. It was after that first time his father beat him for no reason that Dean realized that the only person he loved and trusted absolutely was Sam.</p><p>          Each year saw their father becoming more strict and erratic in his parenting. Food was often scarce, forcing the two of them to rely on school for meals. Dean had to learn at an early age ways to beg, steal or borrow in order to make sure his small, under weight little brother had at least one meal a day when there wasn't a school to provide it. During summers with their extended family saw the boys hoarding food for the first few weeks until they relaxed. Those summers were the only time the boys had access to regular healthy meals outside of school.</p><p>          Dean had gotten into trouble many times over the years at their various schools trying to protect his brother from bullies. Each time their father heard about it he punished Sam for being "a fucken pussy ass cripple". Over the years, their father's punishments got very creative---everything from taking away Sam's glasses to forcing his brother to stand in a corner of the room for hours on end, blindfolded, gagged (<em>fucken why??!!??</em>) and tied up. Dean quickly learned that if he said anything or tried to help then their father added a beating to the punishment on top of whatever Dean had been trying to stop. Poor Sammy would need days to recover afterwards. Even when they weren't being disciplined they were denied the simple things most children take for granted. One of their father's favorite cruelties was to starve them while forcing his boys to share the couch or to make due on a spare blanket on the dirty, off-colored moldy smelling carpet of their current 'home' each night. They were not allowed to sleep on a bed if their father was around. With his bad left leg and hip, sleeping on the floor was tortuous for his younger brother. Dean often found himself being used as a giant, brother sized pillow because Sammy was always snuggled on top of him. It was then that Dean started to comfort himself and Sam each night as they tried to fit together in the small amount of space they were allowed to have for sleeping. It started out innocently with snuggling, spooning and gentle touches meant to soothe his frightened younger brother and to try to take away the pain in his hip or leg.</p><p>          It was all innocent comfort and soothing until puberty hit when Dean suddenly realized that his dick could be used for more then pissing. All of his wet dreams involved his baby brother in some very inappropriate situations. He had just turned twelve, Sam was almost eight. That was the first time he touched his brother in a non-brotherly way. He was already totally devoted to his baby brother, willing to do anything for him. His love for Sam had always been all consuming in a very platonic way but after that night his baby brother became only his to love, care for, cherish and protect. Dean had fallen in love with Sam the first time he held him when his brother was just a few hours old. It intensified when he saved him from the intruder that killed their mother (while their father fought with the man) and solidified the night their father withdrew his love and protection from his children by beating them nearly to death in the backseat of their only true home.</p><p>          Dad had left them in a small, run down motel that boasted 'apartment style living space'. It was one room with a twin bed, pull-out couch, television, kitchenette that had a small table with two chairs and a bathroom. The only luxury was an usually large claw footed bathtub because there was no shower head--just a handheld nozzle to use for rinsing off. Dad had been gone most of the past two weeks and showed no sign of coming back. The rent was paid but the food and all their money was long since gone. It wouldn't be so bad if they were enrolled in school. If they had been then at least they could have eaten but their father hadn't bothered with seeing his sons educated when they arrived in town. Instead he had taken off almost as soon as he shoved them out of the Impala with the room key and their bags in hand.</p><p>          Once again Dean had done what needed to be done and found a way to get some money for food. He wasn't proud of himself, instead he felt dirty and disgusting but there had been no choice. He had let himself be used by a nasty older man for money. Then when the guy was finished, taking more then was agreed upon, he had tried to leave without paying Dean. It was bad enough that he had to let that sleazy fuck touch him but then to try to walk away with their grocery money......</p><p>          Dean had lost it. He couldn't go back home without some food for his baby brother. Sammy was small and underweight as it was, the kid couldn't afford to skip any more meals then necessary. Plus there was a big snow storm heading towards their current home town. They could be stuck inside for days. He was afraid that Sammy would get sick because they had nothing to eat. So, Dean had gone after the bigger man and killed him when he refused to pay for services rendered. In that moment the larger male had become a monster in Dean's eyes. He was the first person to learn that Dean would do anything for Sam, in this case, providing food to help his brother heal and grow. He would learn later that week that the guy had been some sort of big deal in the big city a few miles away. A rich, entitled man who had been found with his pants down and a stick literally shoved up his ass. <em>Poetic justice for what he had done to us</em>. Dean knew he was going to have bruises for days after what that fucker did to him but at least he now had money to buy groceries.</p><p>          He may only be a kid but he was smart enough to make it look like a mugging gone wrong. All of his father's lessons on how to avoid getting caught coming into play has he stages the body for the police to eventually find. Nobody had seen the man pick Dean up as he walked along the dark, lightless street in the red light district. He hadn't been looking to hook up with anyone, quite the opposite in fact, Dean had been looking for a few pockets to pick when he decided to go with the man in the fancy new car. He figured twenty bucks for a blow job shouldn't be too hard but the man had gotten handsy and wanted more from him, forcing Dean to grow up to soon as he was forced to engage in full blown intercourse.</p><p>          Since he wasn't really a rent boy it made it easier for Dean to justify removing all the money from the bastard's wallet after he killed him. He didn't take anything else, leaving the credit cards for someone else to deal with or use if they found them on the ground next to the body. The man had been carrying over five hundred dollars in cash and had tried to stiff him the twenty bucks he owed Dean. The ugly bastard also had a few nice pieces of jewelry, a fancy watch and the keys to a fancy new Lexus. Their father had taught him how to drive so that he could get some sleep as they traveled so Dean didn't think twice about taking the car when he left.</p><p>          Dean finished cleaning up any evidence before he took the car to a chop shop he had been 'working' at since they moved here. The owner didn't ask and Dean wasn't telling but he added nearly two thousand dollars to what he had already acquired that night after his 'boss' bought everything he was willing to sell for some grocery money. The only thing he kept was a nice titanium ring and the matching necklace. Dean had thought they were silver. It wasn't until years later that he learned the truth.</p><p>          Dean's sitting in the diner, staring out the window as his mind continues to wander down memory lane. He is idling fiddling around with a dark metal ring, twisting it around the third finger on his left hand while he's thinking about the past. God, all the shit Sammy and he had to suffer through courtesy of their old man. His poor baby boy still had to deal with the after effects of all the beatings and <em>discipline</em> at their old man's hand. On bad days, Sammy needed to use a cane or if it was really painful, his forearm crutches when his weakened left leg or hip acted up. The ghost of pains from the past leave chills running up his spine as his mind once again wanders back in time.</p><p>          Their life once again took a sudden detour the night Dean lost his virginity to that sleazy, rich fucker in a dirty back alley. It had all started with Eric Prescott's refusal to give him the twenty bucks he promised Dean for a blow job gone wrong. That had been the rich bastard's name. He will never forget it because Prescott had been that catalyst for how his life shifted that night from big brother to Sam's lover at the tender ages of twelve and eight, all because Dean had been traumatized by Prescott before being forced to kill the man who unknowingly threatened the only person the pre-teen loved.</p><p>          After coming back home that night, all the food having been carefully stowed away, Dean made sure to hide away the cash he had earned. A hunting buddy of their father's, Caleb, had shown Dean how to create a false bottom in his duffel to stow away his weapons from prying eyes. It was there that Dean stashed the rest of his money and the jewelry he had taken. Sam watched as Dean thanks his boss for all the help before refusing the man's offer to ride out the storm at his home. He can feel his baby brother's eyes follow him around the apartment after the older man reluctantly leaves.</p><p>          All he wants is a do over, wishing he hadn't gotten into that bastard's car but they had needed money for food. He looks over to Sammy before deciding they both needed to be clean. Then he grabbed his baby brother before heading to the bathroom for a nice hot bath. He should have left Sammy on the sofa bed watching the television but he was worried about how the cold was affecting his brother's weakened left side. He had noticed Sammy limping earlier before he decided to go out. Maybe if he hadn't taken a bath with his baby brother their lives would have been more normal but then again, being Winchesters--probably not.</p><p>          Dean had been hurting after everything he'd been through in the past few hours. Maybe he could wash away everything that had happened and be clean again. All he wanted to do was take a nice warm bath, snuggle with his beautiful baby boy and then heat up some of that special vegetable soup he got for Sammy. That kid still loves veggies more than anything else, always giving his meat to his older brother even when its something he likes, such as chicken or ham. <em>Damn, I love that kid.</em></p><p>          As with all good intentions this too when awry. It started off innocently enough but quickly went off center. His baby brother had been scared when Dean hadn't returned home right away. Dean could tell as soon as he entered their room. He had told Sam he wouldn't be gone long, just running to get some food before the storm hit. Sammy hadn't wanted to be alone because their father might come back but he understood that Dean wanted to get some groceries before the snow and had been worried about the storm keeping them indoors for more than a day or two. So when his big brother had come home with his boss in tow carrying in more bags then he had ever seen before, Sam had finally felt safe because his brother was home. Dean basked in the glow of a full force Sammy smile, dimples for miles, along with the barely audible <em>De </em>he received as soon as he walked through the door<em>.</em> He could never understand how anyone could ever <em>not</em> love his baby brother.</p><p>          Once all the bags had been emptied, Dean's boss asked the boys repeatedly if they wouldn't be more comfortable at his house with him and his partner. But Dean knew if the storm was a bust and their father came home then he and Sam would be beaten black and blue for not being where their father told them to be. So instead he promised to call if anything happened. Dean could see the worry in the older man's eyes but he didn't push the issue. Once they were all alone the boys headed into the bathroom. Sammy needed to soak his bad leg and Dean was just hurting all over from the abuse he took earlier in the night.</p><p>          It seem to take forever for the tub to fill with nice hot water and the Mr. Bubbles bubble bath Dean had splurged on at the store. Sammy rarely got to act like the little boy he was. Their father was a strict bastard who wanted soldiers not children. It wasn't easy to appease his increasingly angry father. When the tub was finally full, Dean dragged his baby brother into the bathroom and helped him get undressed, being sure to carefully store Sam's glasses inside a case and placing the case on the counter top. He couldn't help but run his hands along the baby soft skin of his brother's concaved stomach. He worried that Sammy wasn't eating enough each time he saw him naked but the dimpled smile of joy when his baby boy saw the bubbles was enough to push those worries aside. It only took a few moments before Dean was joining his brother inside the nice hot bubbly water.</p><p>          Both boys enjoyed the bubbles and the warm water, Sam snuggled back into his brother's chest as he picked up a hand full of the soapy suds to blow across the walls or onto the faucet. The extremely warm water was soothing the aches from Dean's body as he relaxed against the back of the tub. Sam was having fun playing in the water with the bubbles, unable to sit still has he blew bubbles all around the walls. Dean found himself getting hard as his brother's soft, curvy ass cheeks rubbed against his cock. He could feel the blood flowing straight to his dick. Dean honestly didn't think he would want to ever do anything sexual again after earlier tonight but Sammy was always the exception to all the rules for him. Dean knew he had to do something, so under the guise of cleaning his brother he started to caress Sam's body slowly working his way towards his brother's scalp.</p><p>          First along his small chest, paying careful attention to his little nipples. Dean had noticed that his baby boy likes to be rubbed across his tiny nubs. He slowly glides his hands across the tightening buds before skimming across his brother's visible ribs. That made him pause for a moment when he realized that Sam has lost once again, more weight he can't afford to lose. It solidified his decision from earlier tonight to kill the monster who tried to hurt his brother when he refused to pay.</p><p>          Dean grabbed the bottle of body wash he just bought and lathered up the thin white wash cloth before he rubbed the soapy wash cloth along his brother's back, neck, shoulders, and arms before stopping himself from going any lower. He had been bathing his brother ever since their mother died. Doing so now shouldn't be a big deal but something was different after earlier tonight. It was to easy to continue on to his brother's soft little penis, using the thin wash cloth to rub up and down under the pretense of cleaning. Sam was to young yet to understand or truly enjoy what his older brother was doing to him because his sack was still tight within his body. Dean's hadn't dropped until last year, which is when he discovered how good jacking off could feel. He can't help himself has he gently touches his brother's private area, rubbing tenderly around the tip of Sam's small member before moving back along his pelvis towards his injured left side.</p><p>          As far back as he can remember Dean has always been Sam's primary care giver because John simply never bothered. When his brother had been hurt, it had been Dean who learned how to help his crippled sibling cope with his injuries. Often Dean would need to loosen the muscles in Sam's damaged body. Like right now as he moved his hands over to massage his brother's hips to relieve some of the constant pain his baby brother lived with because of their father's lack of medical care, his refusal to allow Sam to get the physical therapy he needed after his pelvis had been shattered. He could feel the tension in the muscles on Sammy's weak side start to loosen as the hot water and Dean's hands worked their magic. He heard Sammy's keening of pain as he moved over the place where he had broken his bones thanks to John's flying fists. Dean knew the moment Sammy started to feel the effects of his ministrations. All at once, Sammy's little body turned to jelly as all the pain and tension left. Once he was sure his brother's muscles were properly loose he was free to let his hands roam once again along his baby boy's soft, silky skin. So to distract himself, once again from where his thoughts are going, he began washing his brother's hair.</p><p>          At the tender age of twelve Dean already recognizes that Sam is the only soul in the universe he loves unconditionally, he worships at the church of Sam. All things Sammy related receive his full focus, from his incredible interchangeable hazel eyes to what books he enjoyed reading. He always paid particular attention when it came to Sammy's care. Their father didn't give a flying fuck about them, so Dean made sure to give his younger sibling all the love he possessed. This is why he always found a way to keep the extra gentle baby shampoo on hand. Their dad though it was a waste of money but Sammy's hair was still baby fine, curly and silky soft. The cheaper shampoos left his brother's hair damaged and tangled. Their father thought that Dean 'tricked' Sam by using an old bottle full of the cheaper shampoo. The truth was he always bought a new bottle when he could afford it and just put some into the older, worn out bottle. What the old man didn't know couldn't hurt them. It was one of the reasons why he always tried to earn some money where ever they were settled somewhere for more then a few days.</p><p>          Before long, both boys had clean hair and mostly clean bodies. The bubbles were still in the tub and the water was the perfect temperature after rinsing the shampoo out of their hair. So Sammy went back to his previous position and Dean's dick once again took notice. It wasn't long before he found himself unconsciously rubbing at Sam's small nipples and coaxing them into tight little buds, his hands seemed to have a mind of their own as they wandered Sam's body. Every so often he would reach down and gently fondle his baby brother's tiny cock, enjoying the slight weigh of it in his larger hand. Sammy would laugh because the light touches and caresses 'tickled'. A short time later he can feel his baby brother's body relaxing more and more from his gentle touches all along his body. Sammy rarely ever talks anymore but Dean swears that he purrs just like a kitten when he's happy and right now Sam's purring with pleasure, his whole body vibrating with pleasure as he lays on top of Dean in the warm, soapy water.</p><p>          His little brother is so relaxed that he turns his small body around and straddles his big brother before making himself comfortable in his new position.</p><p>          "What cha' doing Sammy?" Dean knows that his brother will realize that he's as hard as a rock but instead of answering him, Sam just nuzzles under his brother's chin and continues to make his happy purring sounds as Dean starts to gently rub circles all along his baby brother's back, stroking from the nape of his neck to the bottom of his spine, stopping just short of his brother's tight virginal entrance way.</p><p>          The temptation is to great now that his brother is in a more vulnerable position. Sam's slender body is begging to be touched as his hands wander along his brother's baby soft skin. He tries to convince himself that he's just massaging his brother's broken, weakened limbs but it's not working. Dean moves his hands down his brother's silky smooth skin, rubbing lazy circles as he slowly makes his way to Sam's tight puckering hole. He wants to just take his brother but he knows he has to be careful. Sammy is so small and delicate. His baby boy is driving him crazy as he unknowingly encourages his big brother to finger his entrance. Temptation wins over common sense as Dean manages to get a little conditioner onto his hand before he slowly raises Sam's hips out of the water by moving his own body within the tub. He doesn't want the 'lube' to disappear off his fingers before he starts touching his Sammy. His little brother is so trusting as he lays on his chest, happily humming as his eyes drift slowly closed until they are barely open at all because he isn't worried about anyone or anything hurting him while he's in his big brother's arms.</p><p>          Dean looks down at his younger brother, he wants to watch his face as he starts to prep his body just in case he accidentally hurts his little brother. Dean now understands how important it is to be ready before you get a dick shoved up your ass. He refuses to hurt Sam or expose him to any sort of unnecessary pain. Right now the warm water and gentle massage has his baby brother relaxed within his arms. Dean knows how lucky he is that his brother loves and trusts him unconditionally, the two of them already completely dependent upon the other. Sam knows that he will always be safe with Dean.</p><p>          He can see that Sammy's stunning hazel eyes are heavy with just a small slit of multicolored iris showing. Dean studies him carefully as he slowly plays with his brother's pretty pink hole before he starts to insert one finger into his brother's body. He's relived when it doesn't seem to bother him or rouse him from his current state of sprawled octopus boy on top of Dean's chest. Once more, Dean is floored by how much trust Sammy has that his big brother will never hurt him, always keeping him safe from all the ugliness in the world. He can feel his brother complete calm while he slowly inserts his finger inside his body. Then again, this isn't the first time that Dean's had to place something up his brother's ass. Their father refused for the longest time to get an under the tongue thermometer and every time Sam got sick, using an anal thermometer was the only way to check to see if he had a fever. Unfortunately, Dean is old enough to understand that what he's doing now is different from checking for a fever.</p><p>          He slowly wiggles his finger around inside his brother' anus, making sure he isn't hurting Sam before he dares to add another. Sammy tenses for a brief moment, pausing his humming for a moment as he wiggles a little against his brother's chest before his mostly relaxed body adjusts to the intrusion of a second finger. Before long Dean's finger fucking his baby brother, gently scissoring him open bit by bit while rubbing his dick along the unblemished skin of his brother's ass. He can tell that his little brother is also enjoying the experience as his big brother's slender fingers are nestled inside of his small, tight hole-- even if he doesn't understand exactly what his older brother is doing to his body. All Sam knows is that it feels nice and makes his tummy tingle in a good way.</p><p>          It isn't long before Sammy's happy humming and small movements against his dick have Dean experiencing his first real orgasm. The tightness in his ball sack is quickly followed by a powerful burst as his cum shoots across his baby brother's body. He blanks out for a few moments before coming back to reality, tightening his arms around his brother to make sure he doesn't slip into the water.</p><p>          He needn't worry about either of them accidentally drowning in the bathtub as realizes he must have opened the drain during his moment of bliss. Sam's half asleep and boneless against his chest, quietly humming deep within his chest while his big brother's cum is splattered along his back. The younger brother is unaware of anything beyond how good his brother's fingers feel within his body. When Dean removes his slender digits from Sam's rectum his little brother whimpers a little before settling back down. Dean calms his brother by gently running his other hand along Sam's spine before reaching for the wash cloth on the side of the tub. A few swipes with the still soapy wash cloth removes the evidence of what he's just done. Dean is on the verge of panicking over violating his baby boy when he hears Sam's sleepy whispered "love you De" and just like that, the world rights itself. He places two feathery kisses upon his brother's head before responding. "Love you too Baby Boy. Lets get out of here and into our jammies, yeah?"</p><p>          It was the beginning of everything for Dean. That night he realized that his entire world revolved around Sam, worshiping at the alter of Sam, realizing that it was his brother that kept him sane as their father trained him how to become a cold, heartless killer. Dean's soul had attached itself to Sam, wrapping himself in his brother's purity and innocence as he made sure that nobody every came close to getting between the two of them. He spent the next several years grooming Sam to one day become his lover, cementing their status as soul mates in the eyes of those who bothered to look. They had to be very careful around John, so as not to attract his attention to their deep binding love for one another but at the tender age of twelve Sam lost his virginity to his older brother in the back of the Impala after John gifted the car to Dean.</p><p>          A plate being dropped somewhere off to his right distracts him from his musings. He vividly remembers all the horrors of growing up with John, his forced education in how to kill the 'monsters' and 'supernatural creatures' their father had been obsessed about. The man constantly shuffled them from person to person, place to place--never staying anywhere for to long if he felt threatened. Dean did everything within his power to protect his Sammy from their father's ever increasing insanity as they suffered throughout their childhoods. The only shining light being their complete co-dependency, undying love for each other and intertwined souls (according to Pamela) that couldn't be destroyed by John's influence. </p><p> </p><p>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++</p><p> </p><p>          It only takes a matter of minutes before he is once again lost in the past as he fidgets with his ring.......</p><p>          Earlier that night his boss had been kind enough to bring Dean to the store and help him stock up on food before the storm. He had figured out what Dean had been up to in order to earn some money, wanting to do his best to protect the young brothers so it never had to happen again that the boy needed to steal cars for grocery money. The older man had taken a liking to the both brothers, allowing them free reign at the shop. He always allowed Sam to sit in the office of his legitimate auto body business while Dean earned a few dollars around the shop by helping to clean up the property, sweep the bays, degrease tools and tag customer keys. He knew them as Sam Wesson and Dean Campbell--foster brothers of a deadbeat drunk employee. When their dad had been around he worked a few weeks as a mechanic for the man. John explained that his wife and him had been giving the boys a home when she unexpectedly died but he wanted to keep the boys so he adopted them both before moving out of state. The story was full of holes but accepted so long as the boys appeared to be well cared for by the man.</p><p>          The moment John fucked up and left visible bruises on Sam was the day he lost the job at the shop. That was when Dean found out about the chop shop side of the man's business dealings. Their father had worked under the table disassembling stolen cars. He had brought both boys along a few times before being told find them a safe home or to find other employment. They didn't need to get into trouble for having children in the open bays of the chop shop if anything happened. John was so paranoid about Child Protective Services taking his children that he quickly complied. The boss man hated John but he was willing to work in the illegal business without a care for being caught. He only kept his position because he was 'raising' his two boys on his own. The boss legitimately cared for the boys and was deeply concerned about them. Dean knew him as the boss until he went from employer to caretaker.</p><p>          Darryl Holt might have employed John, then Dean out of necessity but over time he had become a life time friend to the boys. Without him, Sam and Dean might not have survived. It had been Darryl who kept tabs on the boys when their father failed to return for sixteen months. He had moved them out of the motel two weeks after the night Prescott had died and into his home. He allowed the boys to do whatever they wanted without any censure. If he noticed what was developing between the brothers he never said a word. Instead he allowed them to sleep together in the same bed and bathe together when they wanted to do so.</p><p>          After realizing that neither boy was currently enrolled in school he went about changing that situation. Upon searching through the things he dragged out of their motel room, the boys school records were found in the boxes John left behind. Darryl simply claimed to the district that he was the boys uncle who currently had custody of them while their father traveled, which was almost the truth since nobody had seen John in over a month at the time. With his status within the community as being a generous local multi-business owner nobody questioned him about the boys. From that point on, the Winchester brothers went to school as Sam Wesson and Dean Campbell because that was how their names were recorded as on all the former school records Darryl found.</p><p>          Over time, Darryl had observed and mentioned to his partner how Dean was very protective of the younger boy, especially on the rare nights the two adults had a loud argument about their situation. On those nights both boys would cower together and cringe whenever either man came to close to them. That set off alarm bells for both men which had them looking closer into the boys history. Neither man had liked John very much but seeing how terrified little Sam became when the adults near him became angry didn't sit well with either one of them. Especially with how eerily quiet the little boy became afterwards, practically becoming a ghost of himself in order to stay invisible. Sam never spoke a word within hearing of either man while the boys lived with them. Instead of using his voice, Sam learned how to talk by using sign language through a program at the school so that he could communicate with the outside world. Dean was taught by his younger brother so they could have secret conversations. Any time Sam was asked a question, it was Dean who answered for him, often without Sam making any attempt at answering. Neither Darryl nor his husband ever heard the younger boy speak.</p><p>          Darryl's life partner Freddy was a police officer, as such he looked into John Campbell and he didn't like what he found or should that be what he didn't find. The man didn't exist except on paper. He was almost a complete ghost. The only lead he found was when he ran the plates of the Impala. That's when they found out that John Campbell was actually John Winchester and was wanted in conjunction to an investigation into child abuse of his two sons--Sam and Dean Winchester. This revelation explained why the boys acted the way they did whenever any type of angry sounding voice was raised around them.</p><p>          The file Freddy brought home to share with his husband showed two much younger boys beaten black and blue with various broken bones. Poor little Sam having suffer the more severe injuries with a fractured pelvis, fractured eye sockets, traumatic brain injury, and collapsed lung. Dean hadn't faired much better with a sever concussion, dislocated shoulder and broken arm. Both men vowed to do what ever they had to do to protect the boys they had come to love as their own children. Its to bad that John had eventually returned to get his boys because that brief period of time had shown the boys what it was like to have people who love them unconditionally.</p><p>          When John finally did show up, Darryl threatened to have him arrested for what he had done to his children. John left but less then twenty-four hours later Darryl's shop and all his businesses were being raided by the police. Only Freddy's well timed warning had prevented them from finding anything, unfortunately the damage had been done. By the time the day was over, John and the boys were no where to be found. Darryl and Freddy spent many years tracking down John, filing for custody against him, so that they could get the boys back.</p><p>           Dean shifts in his chair and looks around the diner. Logically he knows that they are both safe now. John's been dead for years but that doesn't stop him from worrying about Sammy. He made his baby brother a promise long time ago. Anyone fucks with Sam and they have to deal with Dean. No if, ands or buts about it. He gladly murdered their father to protect his brother when John took his version of discipline to far. Some days he wishes he had thought to do it sooner but they had been trying to stay under John's radar by being 'good little boys'. They had been so terrified that Child Protective Services would separate them from each other all the years they were growing up under their father's heavy hand. If only they had known Darryl and Freddy had been desperately trying to gain custody of them.</p><p>          The fucker that had claimed to be their father had nearly killed Sam when he found out he had a full ride to Stanford University. Any other parent would have been bragging about their child for such an achievement but John had seen it as a personal insult when he found out. Neither boy had mentioned it but somehow he found out about their plan to leave him so Sam could go to college to fulfill his dream of becoming a lawyer, taking his older brother right along with him to Stanford. They had some money tucked away, a full tank of gas in the Impala and their escape all planned until an ill timed phone call changed their plans.</p><p>          A hunting buddy of their father's had called asking for some help. Usually their Dad would have jumped in his truck to join the hunt but not this time. For reasons he didn't understand, John had sent him away on the fools errand to assist that fellow hunter but an order was an order. After all, Dean was Daddy's "yes, sir" man. It was only his unease that had him turning back around and disobeying his father. Dean had walked into that motel room to find their father attempting to rape Sam. His baby boy had been beaten unconscious before he had been tied up on the bed, bleeding from various cuts and welts upon his body. He caught John off guard by returning early. He hadn't been expecting him back so soon but Dean always worried about Sammy. It was his save Sammy senses that had him disobeying the direct order and flying back to check on his brother. He literally caught his old man with his dick in his hand, starting to penetrate his unaware brother. Dean wasted no time stabbing the man-- formally known as their father-- in the spine, severing his spinal cord.</p><p>          The brothers spent the next three weeks slowly traveling towards California in the Impala and a brand new life. If you asked him, Dean could never quite explain what possessed him to drive through the town where he had first touched his brother sexually, the place where they learned what family should be like. There really hadn't been any reason to go back to the place where it had all started but he had, almost as if someone else had been driving his Baby. It was while they were traveling along the only route through town, the uniquely named Main Street, that Dean was pulled over by the local police and detained for no apparent reason. The boys had been starting to panic that this incident was somehow connected to their father's untimely demise when a black SUV pulled up to the scene and out stepped Detective Freddy Holt.</p><p>          After explaining to the boys that they were not in any type of trouble, Freddy asked them to join him at the local diner for lunch. Sam and Dean agreed to join him, soon the brothers were seated across from the two men who had shown them love so many years ago. Over the meal, Sam and Dean discovered that the Holts had been granted full custody of them six months after they had been kidnapped from their home. Freddy had put out an APB on the Impala and John Winchester but had never counted on the fact that their father had changed the plates on the car or that the Impala was now legally registered to Dean. The boys spent two weeks with the couple while Sam continued to recover from John's attack since they didn't have to be at Stanford for another five weeks.</p><p>          When Freddy pulled Dean aside to ask about John, Dean told him the truth about what happened. The detective informed Dean that he had been contacted when their father had been found dead. The lead detective in John's case questioned Dean and Sam--with an interpreter-- both about what had happened to John. The boys told the truth about the abuse but failed to mention that it had been Dean who killed John. Instead, they claimed to have been punished by John who then left the motel room. Afterwards, the boys had packed their things and ran before their father had returned. Sam had a scholarship and they were both over eighteen now, they no longer had a reason to stay. They said John had been alive when they left for good. His murder was never solved.</p><p>          The boys thanked Freddy for his help in clearing their names otherwise they would have to give up Sam's scholarship because they refused to be separated. Darryl and Freddy surprised the boys by offering to pay for Dean to go to college and any expenses they might occur at school. The couple had searched for them for years after Darryl had cleared his <em>good </em>name with the investigators of that anonymous tip. They had wanted to adopt them all those years ago, putting aside money for years, so they insisted on helping both boys get a good education. For some odd reason, John continued to use the foster brother's story and alias' for the boys after he kidnapped them from Darryl and Freddy Holt all those years ago. So when Stanford sent Sam Wesson the acceptance letter and offer, they boys knew it was their chance for a normal life. They could finally leave the Winchester name, not to mention the bad luck, behind them. The brothers left town with bank cards set up in their names, an apartment waiting for them in Palo Alto and Dean enrolled at Stanford to study criminal science along with his baby brother. Sammy wanted to be a lawyer and after everything they'd been through growing up, Dean decided to be a cop. After all, who better to track down murders then a master killer who has never been caught.</p><p>          Along the way to their new life, Dean proposed to the center of his universe--the sun the planet Dean revolves around, and his Sammy accepted. They stopped at the Little Chapel of Love in Vegas to make it official, cheesy Elvis impersonator and all. Dean Campbell married Sam Wesson with longtime friends (really, the only parents who loved them), their newly minted guardians Darryl and Freddy standing as witnesses. At the chapel, Dean pulled out the titanium ring that once belonged to Prescott and gave it to Sam on their wedding day. It fit him perfectly.</p><p>          Sam had secretly hoped that he would one day belong to Dean and had saved his extra money for years to buy a beautiful carbon fiber black wedding band for his Dean. He had unknowingly bought a similar ring to the one Dean had stolen all those years ago. The outside rim of the ring was highly polished while the inner band had a satin diamond pattern finish. The look on Dean's face when he pulled it out of his pocket is one of Sam's most cherished memories.</p><p>          It was that very same dark metal ring that Dean was currently twirling on the ring finger of his left hand when he felt a large familiar hand squeeze his shoulder. He turned toward the ginormous Sasquatch standing beside his chair, a wide smile lighting up his face as he looked into the ever changing hazel eyes of the person who shared his soul. Dean being the moth forever drawn to Sam's brilliant internal light.</p><p>          "Hey ya Sammy." It always brings an immeasurable amount of joy to his heart when he sees his baby boy's dimpled smile. Dean stands up to pull out the chair next to his for his favorite person in the universe---his Northern Star. Sam's smile was all the thanks he needed, words never have been necessary between them.</p><p>          "How was work Mr. Fancy Pants lawyer? I missed you today Sweetheart."</p><p>          Then he put his hand behind his Sammy's neck and pulled him in for a kiss full of love before he guilds his husband into his seat next to him. Dean basks in the glow of how his Sammy still manages to blush and smile shyly whenever Dean breaks his own 'no chick flick or public displays of affection' rule.</p><p>          <em>Damn, I love this kid!!</em></p><p> </p><p>The end.</p><p> </p><p>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++</p><p> </p><p>AUTHORESS NOTE:</p><p> </p><p>          Title is from the Metallica song of the same name because to Dean, nothing else matters in his world besides his Sammy......</p><p> </p><p>          And yes.....John was bat shit crazy. In this fic, Mary died because an intruder was attempting to kidnap her infant son and she interrupted him.</p><p> </p><p>          Dean was raised to be the perfect killing machine, a true serial killer, murdering innocent people who John thought were evil or non-human in some way. Often the older Winchester would kidnap his victims and then "hunt" them before disposing of their bodies. John had allied himself with other like minded people along the way--other <em>hunters</em> who believed the supernatural world existed when in fact it did not.....or did it??!!??</p><p>         </p><p>          Even though he's now a detective with an excellent solve rate, Dean still goes out from time to time to indulge his killer impulses, usually cleaning up the human trash of society that somehow escaped justice......to this day, he's never been caught.</p><p> </p><p>          Pastor Jim, Bobby and Ellen were just ordinary people who had once been friends with Mary and John before his decline into mental illness. They tried their best to get John proper help over the years and to keep the boys together. Despite their best efforts, both Sam and Dean fell victim to their father's madness with Dean becoming a serial killer and Sam still terrified to talk to anyone other then his brother.</p><p> </p>
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